How many times have you heard people say they wanted to do something?
…To lose weight
…To be stronger or bigger
…To travel oversees
…To get a job that pays more
…To go back to school
…To start own business
But, what does one really do to achieve their wants? Most of the time there is a huge gap between wanting something and actually doing something to get it.
Often times people see where they are, and where they could be.
But then the brain non-consciously calculates the distance to get from point A to point B. Often times a conflict of interests arises and the brain realizes that in order to make the change it might mean giving up something else important or changing a current lifestyle, which can create stress. In order to avoid the stress some people may choose to not go after their goal. The prime reason people do not do something is because they are afraid of failing.
Instead of taking the risk, people often make excuses as to why we can not achieve their goal.
...I do not have time to go to the gym to lose weight
…I have a fast metabolism, I can’t gain weight
…Gas prices are too high for me to travel right now
…I do not want to have to start over somewhere new
…I do not have time to juggle work, school, and a family
...I do not have the means to start my own business
Negative thoughts prevent change from happening. The most common ones are:
- Arguing the downside to change (I can not cook healthy because my kids will not eat it)
- Denying the need for change (I am not as fat as other people, I do not need to lose weight)
- Accusing others of getting in the way (I do not have time to work out because I have to take my kids to practice)
- Disagreeing with advice to change (I do not see the problem…)
- Begin the process half-heartedly (ok, ok…)
- Getting moody when actioning change (grrr, its not fair that I have to go to the gym and workout while you get to sit around and eat ice cream all night)
- Procrastinating and delaying tactics (I’ll start tomorrow…)
- Claiming past failure is proof of inability to change. (I’m destined…)
In order to be successful, one needs to first change their thinking pattern. Such as:
- Accepting the need for change (I have a problem, and I can…)
- Arguing the upside to change (it really helps me move on…)
- Getting others to help (What I need you to do for me is…)
- Affirming those trying to support you (this is great, so can you do…)
- Agreeing with advice to change (Yes, you are right, …)
- Sacrifice a lot of investment/effort (I need to do all these things…)
- Being positive when actioning change (I can do this bit first, then…)
- Starting small things now (today I will get this…)
- Asserting failure is normal (it’s just a setback…)
- Asserting that change is probable (I’ll get there in the end…)
Changing Behavior is rarely a single event. The individual moves gradually from being uninterested…
To considering a change… To deciding and preparing to make a change…
To making the change and continuing with the change.
It often takes a lot of small positive changes to eventually change a certain behavior.
In order to figure out what those small changes should be, you need to ask yourself some questions.
- Why do you want to change?
- How important is it on a scale of 1-10? If it is only a 7, why is it a seven and not a 5? Why is it not a 10?
- What do you think you need to do?
- Have you tried to change this behavior before? If so, what worked well in the past? What did not work so well?
If you answered these questions and have realized that it is truly important for you to change a certain behavior, then you need to decide how you are going to do it. If you need help, make sure to ask for it.
Avoid doing the things that did not work well in the past. Revisit what worked well and make small mini goals using those concepts. 3 months of planning is all the brain can really process at one time. If a goal will take longer than 3 months, it is easy to lose sight of it. Therefore, long term goals need to be written down and placed in an area where you will look at it frequently. In order to not lose focus, small mini goals should be set along the way. Goals should always be realistic, measureable, and have an end date. In order to be successful you need to own your goal. Once you have thought of some goals, you need to vocalize and write them down in your own hand writing. Also write down what you will do to achieve each mini goal. Put them in a place where you will see it every day and repeat them out loud to yourself. Make sure to keep track of your progress and reward yourself when you reach each mini goal.
Accomplishing a goal is never easy. There will always be people or events that create setbacks. They key to success is changing the way you think about those setbacks.
Cognitive Restructuring Techniques are techniques you can use to help change your thinking patterns. They include:
- Changing the thought process about a particular situation from negative to positive
- Develop a plan of action for a possible re-lapse before it happens.
- Remember that no one can take away your ability to react to a different situation, you can control your own actions.
- When negative thoughts come into your head, tell yourself to STOP!
It is your decisions, words and actions that determine your success. What small change are you going to make this week to help you accomplish your long term goal?
